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But The Sex Diaries reveals a much more tender, intimate truth about men in relationships.Men who aren't, in fact, surfing internet porn every night, or resentfully putting up with the middleaged wife while they fantasise about the hot 21-year-old next door.'Exploring the limits of sexual potential has little to do with clever techniques,' says Bettina Arndt, 'but a lot to do with how two people feel about themselves and each other outside the bedroom.' And reading many of the extracts forced me to question plenty of my assumptions.That the twentysomething women are much more sexually confident than past generations, for instance.Maybe growing up in the Seventies, with a mum who read Spare Rib, subconsciously convinced me that men were the new second sex - that they'd had their own way in bed for thousands of years and that now women should set the pace.

I could just sit down and cry - [but] a male my age does not cry, nor does he speak about the problem.' It's not only men.I even had a radio phone-in show, where the producer and I regularly had hissed, frantic exchanges over what the next caller might be about to reveal and whether it could potentially shut down the station.I've had sackfuls of letters detailing every kind of female sexual worry, demand, hope and confusion.And it's a rule of thumb that any sex survey must be taken with an entire Dead Sea- sized teaspoon of salt, as people exaggerate, downplay, and just plain lie in order to appear 'normal'.These diaries prove, repeatedly, that there is no 'normal'.

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I've written the answer to this a thousand times - get a babysitter, book a hotel room, buy some new underwear - basically, remind yourself that you're sexy.